Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of... Jack? / Tuesday, May 15, 2007
I am here to gloat at my sister. EXAMS ARE OVER TOMORROW. HAHA. HA.
let's ignore the fact that i screwed up more than 50% ohkay? DAMN I GOT CHEATED BY THE TEACHERS. THEY SHOULD WALK THE PLANK. all of them. anyway, since it's almost over, i don't have to think about tests for a while! and i can go shopping! and... i can go CCA!...*pauses* i didn't just say that.
but there's movies! there's Shrek3! there's spiderman3 the-guy-who-mopes-and-emo-and-has-almost-the-same-expression-all-the-time! there's Next, featuring the guy-who-stared-in-too-many-movies! there's Pirates of the Caribbean: At world's end.
HUAT AR.
So anyway i was watching the trailer, and i couldn't help but LAUGH, because... OMG.
-a short drum sound. the sun sets, and a ship sails across smooth waters (Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirates' life for me)
-the disney logo appears. HOW ANTI-CLIMAX. but it belongs to the mouse, so. and herry bruckheimer films (which i can hardly tell apart from raintree productions. actually, i think i can) logo.
-a compass spins round, and round and round, before being snapped shut. to the tune of a bell.
-features a bit of the cast, elizabeth swann, will turner, tia dalma, hector barbossa
Tia: what would you do; what would any of you be willing to do (shows the ship in icy oceans,) would you brave the weird (a cold elizabeth and a map reading barbossa) and haunted(icy oceans) shores at worlds end (ship nears a waterfall in the middle of the ocean) to fetch back (shows an unhappy, and mainly grounded in the desert jack) witty jack?
Everyone: HELL NO NOT ME.
Tia: ohkay. no more plot. will, you can't marry elizabeth now.
will: WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? YOU DON'T GO, I'LL BURN THE RUM.
everyone: TO JACK!
Jack: did no one come to save me just because they missed me?
everyone: looks around.
the rum's more important-monkey jack raises hand.
Jack: *face palm*
ON MAY 25TH
barbossa: there was a time, when a pirate was free to make his own way in the world. (ships sailing at night, a jack stares from a high point to the sea)
Jack: I LOVE THE SEA <3
barbossa: ohkay, let's high tail it out of here.
everybody: AYE AYE. let's be bandits.
or robin hood.-everybody gives melodramatic stares.
jack: you look constipated.
will: at least it isn't "a mask of noble pining".
-cannon balls blasts people off the ship.
randomchapA: FOR HONOUR.
randomchapB: FOR GLORY.
randomchapC: FOR RUMMMMMMMM.
jack: why should i sail with any of you? 4 of you tried to kill me; one of you succeeded.
-everyone looks at elizabeth.
elizabeth: what? the rest just slapped him, i had to DO something.
tia: can i kill you too then, jack?
jack: save me.
-shows the enemies davy jones, james norrington, cutler beckett. (voice in background: our enemies are united, out to destroy us. we should create a union and bankcrupt them. the pirate lords -cue pirate lords- from the four corners of the earth must stand together!)
will: they all speak different languages.
barbossa: all understand the word of rum.
Sao Feng: Welcome to Singapore. please ignore the fact that this area is supposed to be filled with malay pirates, not chinese, and that i look like emperor Ming from Flash Gordon (which i've never seen before). Singapore's a fine city. you litter, you pay me $500.
jack: but we're pirateeeeeesssssssssss.
Sao feng: And don't even THINK about smoking.
jack: ...where's the merlion?
sao feng: we ate it last week.
barbossa: there's not been a gathering like this in our life time.
-the jolly roger is hoisted
jack: and i owe all of them money. (and i didn't even make this up.)
WALTZ DISNEY PICTURES PRESENTS
-cue super dramatic music.
jack: what's with all this orchestra and choir thing? where's the rum? in fact, the theme song should be about rum!
barbossa: *points to an emo-ing will who gives the perfect *hero* emo look complete with noble agony and floaty hair*
jack: oh i see.
elizabeth: it wouldn't have worked out between us.
jack: yea well; you're not my type.
elizabeth: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "NOT MY TYPE".
jack: see? keep telling yourself that, darling.
tia: i pity you will.
will: actually, it doesn't matter.
there's this pretty thing back in tortuga. her name's mary-sue.tia: OH GOD. JACK, ELIZABETH? WILL'S UNDER ANOTHER BAD FAN-FICTION SPELL.
(mary-sue's the name given to original characters in bad fan-fiction where they look absolutely stunning, is the long lost sister of some famous person, is the only best child-hood friend of the character she falls in love with, has the best skills ever, can cure with a flick of her wrists, never gets dirty, has the most mysterious past, and makes any male character fall in love with her in 0.5 mili-seconds flat, causing rivalry even if they never knew each other. u get the idea.)
-more fighting and things going boom. everyone continues to practice their melodramatic stares.
beckett(i think): they know they face extinction.
will: NEVER.
jack: oh bugger. cheesy lines 101.
-even more melodramatic stares.
beckett: all that remains is where they make their final stand.
barbossa: HAHAHAHAHA. *spins ship and bombs the other ship while in a whirlpool WTF.*
jack: I'M GONNA DIEEEEEE.
FROM PRODUCER JERRY BRUCKHEIMR
AND DIRECTOR GORE VERBINSKI
will: you know, with you supposedly on enemy lines, and the fact that i never knew you were alive or a pirate, they could have actually done the whole star wars "i am your father" thing.
bootstrap bill: actually, i'm your uncle.
will:...
bootstrap bill: my brother died in an oliphunt attack, so i decided to take care of you. we still have the same blood.
will:...
bootstrap bill: he has elvish blood, and strangely his surname is Bloom. he wanted to call you legolas.
will: *curses in elvish*
-a ship sailing in sand, swords being thrown down to jack and elizabeth to aid them, flying, fighting, swinging, and don't forget the rum.
-will and elizabeth kiss in the midst of fighting, creating an All Love Shalt Conquer All beam and eradicating the enemy.
jack: wow, if it weren't for my eyes, i'd tell you to do that more often.
will: will you marry me?
elizabeth: i don't think that was the best time!
will: what? you don't like swords? *woeful eyes*
elizabeth: actually, i was think of a PEACEFUL hill, a bit of wind, flowers, ring?
will: THAT'S A CLICHE! I HATE CLICHES!
elizabeth:..will?
will: EVER SINCE I WAS BORN MY LIFE'S BEEN A CLICHE!
jack: well, now... *patpat*
will: *clings to jack and cries* I'M SICK OF BEING A CLICHE!
tia: is he always that bad?
elizabeth: you have no idea.
-jack and davy jones fight on the bow(?) of the ship
will: they are so... gay.
barbossa:...ergh. huh?
will: i mean, they clash their swords in tune to the music. davy jones keeps chasing jack. jack tried to steal his heart, for pete's sake!
barbossa: i don't think they meant it that way.
will: yes, i suppose so.
JOHNNY DEPP, ORLANDO BLOOM, KEIRA KNIGHTLEY, WITH CHOU YUN-FAT AND GEOFFREY RUSH
norrington: you're mad.
jack: if i wasn't, this would probably never work.
-more melodrama, walking, swinging, fighting, water spraying.
jack: i swear i'm getting better at walking straight.
will: and keeping that "noble pining for sea" face in the oh-bleep factor.
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END
where's the rum?Oreos.
*get's stoned* you know what?
http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/pirates/atworldsend/
*Flipped!
5/15/2007 05:40:00 PM
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